I'm still learning

All these posts and blogs about resolutions have spurred some wonderings in me.  Over my last 30 years I've gotten to know myself pretty well.  Part of me wishes I could make goals like normal people do...lose 30 pounds, go without sweets, workout 5 days a week every single week, or get pregnant and know that I will succeed in those goals.  But I know I won't.  I'm not normal.  I'm a special kind of crazy.  Yes, I know how that sounds.  There's no doubting it though.  Those above are goals I've made for myself in the past.  Many times actually.  I've even been able to stick with them for long lengths of time.  When goal setting, one issue for me lies in maintenance.  Just because a goal is set and attained, this doesn't mean the goal goes away...a new goal slides into place or it must continue.  For instance, I've lost 30 pounds five separate times in my adult life.  Yes FIVE. Now there are two ways to look at this. 1) I achieved my weight loss goal five times!  Whoo hoo!  Way to go!  2) I did five times as much work as I would have needed to and put my body through a lot of unnecessary stress. Had I maintained my goal at age 21 when I lost the weight the first time, I wouldn't have had to deal with the last 9 years of yo-yo weight loss and weight gain.    A second roadblock in goal setting is attainability.  Are the aforementioned goals attainable for me?  Well, yes I could probably lose 30 pounds, but not if I continue to weight train.  I will most likely lose fat and gain muscle, which could put me at a 10-15 pound weight loss and be healthier than if I would have not gained muscle and lost it along with the fat.  Can I go without sweets?  Yes, I did it for 7 months.  Is it a lifestyle for me?  No.  I love food and through all of my battles with food and migraines, I have come to believe that it's all about moderation.  Will I be able to attain the goal of working out five times a week every week?   Possibly.  Will I get sick?  Yes.  Will I get hurt?  Well, if my broken finger proves anything, it's that one little broken digit can put you out of the weight room for 3 weeks.  What about pregnancy?  That was my goal last year.  Silly.  Just silly.  I have absolutely no control over whether or not I can get pregnant.  So why make that a goal?  There are things I can do to help, but I can't make that happen.  Only God can.  Now, onto my biggest personal roadblock with goal setting...failure.  At one point or another I will fail.  And when I fail, I stop in my tracks and throw in the towel.  It's mental.  I know it.  When I see a goal, I want to achieve the heck out of it and the perfectionism in me just can't deal.  As I said before, I have gotten to know myself pretty well and here are some things I've learned so I CAN make attainable, achievable, maintainable goals...
>I know that just because I make a goal, it doesn't mean I'll stick with it. 
>I don't do well with group accountability...you know like running groups or workout buddies, etc.  >Comparing myself with others doesn't push me...actually it makes me want to sit down with a bag of oreos.
>People telling me what to do makes me dig in my heels (personal trainers, books, motivational speakers, etc.)
>Rewards don't do much for me.  It's all about personal pride and accomplishment.
>I do really well with a plan.  I love plans and lists and calendars.  They help me set up my days and weeks with everything from things to accomplish, things to buy, food to cook, etc.  Heck, I make lists about my lists and write things down I did yesterday just so I can cross them off my list!
>Meal prep is huge for me.  I buy what I know I will eat and I make it ahead of time so I am poised to make good choices.
>If it's not in the house, I won't eat it.  If it is I'm ALL OVER IT like white on rice.
>It's me vs. me that really pushes me to succeed. If I can make a better version of the same meal than I did the last time it's a victory.  If I can run even 5 seconds faster than I did last Tuesday, I'm on cloud 9.  If I can look at a picture of myself from this summer and see my face is thinner now, than it was before, I'm set.  If I have a deeper relationship with my friends than I did last year, then it's all good.
>Food is a comfort to me, but I've learned and my husband has learned that it doesn't matter what kind of food you give me...chocolate or cauliflower...they both have the same calming effect. 

Reading these over shows me just how stubborn, anti-social and self-absorbed I can be.  Honestly, I think it's really healthy to take an honest look at yourself every once in a while...introspection at it's finest.  But I digress...

Looking ahead and taking all these things I've learned about myself into account, I can now attempt to make some goals for 2014.  They will probably sound pretty vague to you, but I've learned that I don't do well with specific, detailed goals.  When they are vague, usually I blow them out of the water...for instance, in November my goal was to work out more days than not.  I worked out 23 days.  See?  There's a method to my madness.

In no particular order...

Pray more.
Spend more quality time with my husband.
Call my friends and family more.
Send more cards.
Make a monthly calendar and exercise more days than not.
Make meal plans for most meals.
Avoid the chocolate/candy aisle.
Eat more veggies.
Eat more protein.
Up my weights.
Get faster at running.
Get faster at swimming.
Get faster at biking.
Keep going to counseling.
Read more.
Play with my dog more.
Stay off of my phone more.
Doubt myself less.

Plan B...or C...

It's been a while since I've written and I have some serious changes to share with you!  God has definitely blessed me with a full life! 

I am finishing up my first semester of my second masters degree.  That's a mouthful.  Only 2.5 semesters and 3 summers to go!  Just the thought makes me a little dizzy, but seriously, I feel like a much more effective educator already. 

Also, I've lost 15 pounds since March.  I started lifting weights (and no ladies and gents it doesn't make you huge).  I have a progress pic below that proves that lifting is toning me up and I'm actually getting smaller while I get stronger.  I've also kept up running and started biking and swimming on the regular as well.  Who IS this girl?  I don't know, but I LIKE her.

That's only 10 pounds difference, but many, many inches. 

Now I'm sure you're wondering...so how's the pregnancy thing going?  Well, clearly plan A of getting pregnant "on our own" isn't working and having insurance that doesn't cover infertility isn't helpful.  Thankfully though, we are moving on to Plan B.  We were insanely blessed to be able to switch insurance companies and now we don't have to pay $400 bills each month for blood work to tell me I didn't ovulate.  Not only that, but we have been referred to a fertility specialist that will be covered by our insurance.  Praise the Lord!    I am really very hopeful.  I've already started to mentally prepare myself for the shots that may accompany the treatment and all the blood work.  This girl has come a long way from passing out in the middle of the sidewalk after a TB test for student teaching to now being able to actually sit up and stay conscious during a blood draw.  Yippee! 

Plan C will come in if the fertility specialist treatments don't work.  I know I know. Don't think that way Laura!  But seriously folks...it's a possibility and we have to deal with that.  Emotionally I have to be prepared so Plan C is to pursue domestic adoption either through foster care or an agency.  Tom and I have prayed, talked, researched, and prayed some more about this and we especially need to have this hope in the back of our minds because we feel led to stop fertility treatment if it has to go to IVF.  It breaks my heart to know that we could be in reach of having a baby and have to stop, but I know that is God's will for us and we are prepared for that.

So my doctors kept telling me that losing weight may increase my chances of pregnancy.  Well, with every negative news regarding pregnancy would directly result in a binge eating depressed state of mind for me.  It was a constant battle.  I wanted to be healthy for my future baby, but I would catch myself thinking, what's the use of all this trying if I can't even get pregnant?  I would also just about lose it whenever I would see someone bigger than me who was able to get pregnant easily.  So my weight loss and healthy living efforts were being thwarted by me, myself and I.

Clearly, I needed a new goal and new motivation to be healthy.  Well, you know how I said I've started to bike and swim?  Well, my goal is to do a sprint triathlon.  Don't worry Grandma.  (Yes my grandma is fantastic and reads my blogs and even has a Facebook account AND she is a professional grandma, which means she worries about me.)  It is the shortest triathlon you can do.  It's 400 meters of swimming (15-20 minutes) 12 miles of biking (about an hour) and then 3.1 miles of running (about 35 minutes).  I can do each one of these activities by themselves pretty easily.  Now I am just trying to get better at doing them all together.  I'm so excited!  It's this summer and I am SO excited!  I'm already in week 3 of my training and I feel so good and healthy and fit already!  So by summer I will either be a triathlete or pregnant.  I feel SO much better now that I have a different focus.  Mentally and emotionally and physically this is so much healthier and I am excited.  If I am blessed with a pregnancy you better believe I'm not doing a triathlon.  I've seen pregnant ladies first hand and they can barely make it through the day in the first trimester, let alone bike for an hour.  I still will want to be active and eat well, but baby will be first priority.

So there you have it!  I am really happy and loving this new focus.  God is working hard on my heart to make it more like his and I am being humbled every day by my struggles, but strengthened in Christ.  I hope you have a lovely holiday with your family tomorrow for Thanksgiving.  Hug your loved ones really tight...I know I will.

Hope Floats

***Warning...this is a blog about infertility.  Okay...you've been fair warned.

"Hope" by Idina Menzel

This is the story
Of a bird with no wings
But certain that it can fly
Sailing on love
Into the head winds
Forcing it's way by and by

If only we were
As strong as this bird
Our spirit would never die

What do we name it
Hope is the right word
Hope is the bravest most beautiful bird
In the sky

Hope is a bird (hope)
Flies higher than others
And keeps all our dreams alive
Free of all doubt
Perfectly fearless
Fed by its will to survive

Imagine ourselves
Becoming this bird
We can when we dare to try
And see ourselves flying
Over the mountain
Hope is the bravest most beautiful bird
In the sky

Only hope can light the way
Only hope can heal the heart
Only hope can keep the clouds
From hiding the moon and the stars

If only we were
As strong as this bird
Our spirit would never die

What do we name it
Only one word
Hope is the bravest most beautiful bird
Hope is the bravest most beautiful bird
In the sky

Only hope can light the way
(only hope)
Only hope can heal the heart
(only hope)
Only hope can keep the clouds
From hiding the moon and the stars

This was a story
Of a bird without wings
And rose above everything
Never was giving up hope

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hope.  What a beautiful word.  A word of promise and dreams and happiness.  Hope is something that cannot be touched or manufactured.  Hope is not just a feeling.  It is not willpower.  It's faith.  Hebrews 11:1 says "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." It's the faith that you can face whatever comes, whatever happens, whatever doesn't come, whatever doesn't happen, but here's the catch.  You can't face it alone.  Oh no.  You can't.  Oh you can try.  You can put your chin up, strap on your big girl panties and slap a smile on your face.  But it won't last.  Your heart won't last.  Your heart will break into a million little pieces every time you get your period and since you've decided to give it a go alone, no one will know your hurt.  No one will see the wreckage of emotions and thoughts and no one will see the million little pieces of your heart floating away. 

Unless...

Unless you don't do it alone.  Unless you fall into the arms of Jesus.  He will catch you.  He will comfort you with the promises of his word.  He will never fail you.  It will hurt.  It won't feel like you are being caught.  It may feel like you have been failed.  But you haven't.  No, absolutely not.  Funny the way God works.  You don't know you've been carried until you're back on your own two feet.  It's like my favorite poem says...

 

One night a man had a dream.

He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand:
one belonging to him, and the other to the Lord.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.
He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints.

He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.
This really bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it.

"Lord, You said that once I decided to follow you,
You'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.

I don't understand why, when I needed you most, you would leave me."

The Lord replied,
"My son, My precious child, I love you and I would
never leave you. During your times of trial and
suffering, when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I Carried You."

 

"Footprints" -Unknown

 

Jesus hasn't left me, but I try to take control.  I try to wiggle and kick and scream out of his arms because I CAN DO IT!  I say, "I CAN DO THIS ON MY OWN.  I DON'T NEED YOU.  I CAN HANDLE THIS ON MY OWN.  I AM IN CONTROL.  I HAVE TO BE IN CONTROL." 

 

Then reality hits me like a slammed door. 

 

I'm not in control. 

 

I can't wish a baby into my womb. 

 

I can't do it on my own no matter how much my prideful self wants me to. 

 

I can't handle the barrage of emotions crashing around my heart and mind. 

 

I do need Jesus.  I need him in every breath I take. 

 

I would not be married to Tom without God's hand in my life. 

I would not be out of my depression without God's hand in my life. 

I would not be able to handle any of this without Jesus. 

 

He is my rock and loves me at my kicking and screaming worst and died for me at my worst and for my worst.

 

I can only take one step and then another with either him by my side or in his arms.  I seriously would have gone crazy without my faith in Jesus.

 

I'm not owed anything nor am I deserving of anything.  But by the grace of God, I am SO VERY BLESSED.  It's been a hard 18 months and I'm sure we still have a long road ahead with lots of decisions to make.  But God is strengthening me for something greater...for that I am sure. 

 

For right now, I am going to press on -not alone- but with God as my guide and my amazing blessings squeezing in right with me-Tom, my family, my friends, my co-workers and the doctors and get my tests done, medicines taken and continue on the path where God leads. 

 

I don't know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future.   

 

 

Instagood

Instagram has been a huge motivation for me this summer.  Every summer, I go in this dark place where depression and loneliness take over.  I spend most of my days by myself because I really do enjoy being by myself, but it's not healthy. 

 

Thankfully, this summer I've had goals, motivation and have seen progress both mentally and physically. 

 

God has blessed me greatly with meeting some wonderful people on Instagram.  Social media definitely has its downfalls, but it sure helped me not only get through this summer, but to motivate me to be more disciplined with food, exercise and devotions. 

 

This summer hasn't been the easiest with infertility, but being able to shift my focus from constant worry about not having a baby of my own to taking care of my mind, body and soul has made all the difference. 

 

Of course I had amazing support from my family and friends.  So for those of you who were there for me when I was struggling whether it be online or in real life, thank you. 

 

It's almost time for school to start and I've been working hard in my classroom. I'm also starting my 2nd Masters this fall.  It's going to be a whirlwind year, but I am more mentally, spiritually, and physically ready than I ever have been.

July it is!

Oh I have so much to tell you!  It's so good to be writing here again.  I'll start off with some updates.  My migraines have been reduced with the continued implementation of the "Low Tyramine Headache Diet" as well as keeping a consistent sleep schedule.  YEAH!  I'm still dealing with stress and anxiety, but I know that's no way to live and that I need to let go of the control.  I've been seeing my counselor now for almost a year and she has helped me so much.  Love that woman!  Most importantly, I know God has it covered and has a plan for me.  Mmm...God is so good! 

 

This sign hangs in my living room and serves as a much needed daily reminder.  :)

 

As for the baby update, we've been dealing with infertility going on 15 months so we went back to my OB.  Tom had tests done (which was a crazy, awkward situation...lol!  I might tell you about it later)  Then, I had blood work done as well as a sonogram and everything came back just fine.  Woo hoo!  Praise the Lord!  Since everything came back normal, my OB put me on Clomid.  From what I understand, it tells your brain to tell your body to ovulate.  It does increase your odds of having multiples by 8%, but we would be good with twins.  You take the Clomid pill days 5-9 of your cycle and then wait.  Today was my last dose for this cycle.  I kept hearing all about these horrible side effects, but I had no negative side effects.  If anything, I felt better!  If I don't ovulate this month, I'll take a higher dose the next cycle and then one more time if I still don't ovulate.  After three months of increasing doses, my OB will take me off.  Hopefully, though, it will work! 

 

So, you're probably wondering why I've titled this post "July it is!" Well, let me tell you...I've decided July is a great month for me to refocus and concentrate on my goals because I have the whole month off with no big commitments.  I can focus on my faith, health and well being to make my body the best place for a baby to grow.  I've changed my eating habits slowly, but surely.   Fruits have always been easy for me to incorporate into my diet.  I eat veggies most every lunch and dinner.  Milk is always a standard at the dinner table and I stay away from liquid calories (soda, alcohol, coffee, etc.)  When I cook at home I always use olive oils instead of vegetable oils, don't fry food and rarely bake sweets.  I've been taking Rex for a walk twice a day each day, doing weights at the gym twice a week, and Tom and I started a Couch to 5K program, which has us training times a week. 

Here's a pic that captures our true feelings about running...hehe.

 

 

My issue is snacking, eating out and portion control.  So I pledged to take a picture of EVERYTHING I eat and post it on Instagram (follow me on Instagram @spicycurrie83) for a whole month.  I'm on day 13 and WOW!  It has really kept me accountable! 

 

Also, I've been tracking my food on the Loseit app.  I've been making a big effort to stay within my daily calorie budget and so far, in the last month I've lost 7 pounds!   Here's a progress pic from 2010 to present.  That's a 27 pound difference, folks! 

Another wake up call was reading the book, Wheat Belly.  I've been avoiding wheat (not completely, but making better choices ex: eating fajitas with a fork instead of putting them in a flour tortilla)  It's a very interesting read.  Check it out!  Well, I think that's the extent of my updates!  I hope you are doing great and are loving life!  Happy July! 

Remember, today is the FIRST day of the REST of your LIFE! 

Diagnosis: Infertility

Oh that stings.  Just seeing those words next to my name give me a stomach ache, but those words are true.  It's officially been over a year and no baby.  I've been putting off writing a blog post for a few months now because, well, I kept holding out that I would be able to share some great news with you all.  However, now that it's real I feel I need to write and get these feelings out of my system.  It's amazing how much I take for granted.  It's horribly amazing as well that you can have everything in the world that you would want or need except for one thing and that one thing can darken everything else good.  I don't want that to happen to me.  Well, let's face it...I already have allowed my inability to have a child over shadow a lot of happiness in my life.  I have a God who loves me despite my failings, a fantastic husband, a supportive family, dependable friendships, a rewarding career, a lovely home and a reliable car...I could go on and on with the blessings in my life.  My migraines have also lessened to an average of 3-4 a month!!!  Wow!  That's a 66% reduction!  Now that's something to cheer about!  I also know that God has a plan.  I know that if we are to have a baby, we will and it will come at the right time.  It doesn't make me crave that control any less though.  I still want to be in charge of my life, but why wouldn't I want the creator of the universe to be in charge of my life?!  Because I'm human and I think I know best.  Well, I'm slowly learning that I don't, which is a hard lesson, but a valuable one. 

Anyway, let me fill you in on the next steps.  I went to my gynecologist's office for a "I'm not getting pregnant" talk.  She was of course wonderful, encouraging, knowledgeable and supportive.  I left there feeling hopeful.  I had to get blood work done to check on my hormones, etc.  Also, hubby needed to get a semen analysis...fun stuff let me tell you.  Lastly, I will need to get a sonogram when we get the results from all of the tests.  It sounds as though most likely I am not ovulating as I should be because I've taken two months of ovulation predictors and a little happy face never showed up in the test window.  If that is indeed the case and the only issue, then I will possibly go on Clomid, which tells your brain to ovulate.  Then wham bam, thank you maam we should be good to go (if that's the only issue).  We are currently waiting for hubby's test results.  My blood work came back fine (whew, what a relief!) so we will set up a follow up appointment for my sono and to discuss options whenever we get his results back.  It's been quite the journey already dealing with people who are well meaning, but ask when we are going to start a family.  I am usually quite blunt with them and say, "Yes, we would love kids and have been trying for over a year.  Thanks for asking!"  This really ends the conversation for the most part.  I have been told some very hurtful things though. 

 

"Just have a baby, Laura.  It's not that hard."

and

"You are going to be old and decrepit by the time you have a baby."

 

It really doesn't help the process to hear these comments, because well, it is apparently hard for me and I am only 30 so I do have child bearing years left.  Both of these comments were made by people who love me and I'm sure had no idea they were hurting me.  So in the mean time, I am trying to stay positive and hopeful and try not think about conceiving.  God is in control and I'd be at a whole lot more peace if I just let it go.  That's where we are and I know God has a plan and I know it's a whole lot better than I could ever imagine.  <3

9 Tried & True Crock Pot Freezer Meals

Here is a collection of crock pot freezer meals that are tried and true for me.  They are easy to prepare and the ingredients are reasonably priced for the most part.  Most of them serve around 4.  The soups serve more like 6-8.  Most of the recipes can be cooked for much longer than the suggested time.  Most days it ends up cooking for about 10 hours on low just because of our schedules.  I really don't know where I found these recipes and most have been tweaked.  Enjoy!

Serrano Pork Tacos with a side of brown rice

Serrano Pork Tacos

3-4 pound pork roast or loin cut into chunks

2 onions

6 tbsp canola oil

2-4 serrano chillies

3 garlic cloves

salt and pepper to taste

2 c. water

Divide all ingredients into two bags, label and freeze.

Thaw in refridgerator the night before and then dump all ingredients into crock pot.  Cook on low 8 hours.  Serve in taco shells or tortillas with toppings of your choice.

 

Chicken Tortilla Soup

Ingredients:
4 cups shredded, cooked chicken
2 (15 ounce) can whole peeled tomatoes,
mashed(you can do this with a potato masher right in the bag, be careful that you don’t break the bag)
1 large can rosarita red/mild enchilada sauce
2 medium onion, chopped(about 1 cup)
2 (4 ounce) cans chopped green chiles
4 cloves garlic, minced or 4 tsp. minced garlic
2 cans chicken broth
2 teaspoon cumin
2 teaspoon chili powder
1 teaspoon salt
1/4-1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1 can corn
1-2 tablespoon chopped cilantro
6 chicken bouillon cubes
1 can black beans
Split the above between two gallon freezer bags and remove as much air as possible seal and then double bag into another freezer bag.
Freeze
When ready to enjoy place in fridge to thaw the day before. Pour into crockpot add an additional 1 cup water to crockpot. Cook on low 6-8 hours or high 4-6 hours.

Chicken Noodle Soup

Makes 2(4-6 serving dinners)

Ingredients:

3-4 cups chicken cooked and cubed

2 cups sliced carrots

2 cups celery, sliced

2 cups onions, diced

3 tsp. poultry seasoning

4 cloves garlic, (or 4 tsp).minced

12 chicken bouillon cubes

2 cans chicken broth

Split the above between two gallon ziplock bags,remove as much air as possible and seal.

Also needed: 2 cups uncooked egg noodles

Tape one bag of uncooked egg noodles onto each filled gallon bag.  Freeze.

When ready to place in crockpot take out the soup mixture and add 6-7 cup water directly to the bag, Pour into crockpot and cook on low for 5-6 hours or High 3-4 hours. (Low is best and can be cooked longer than 6 hours if needed. Reserve Noddles in freezer.  Place noodles in soup 30 minutes before serving.

 

Ranch Chicken

4 whole boneless, skinless chicken breasts

1 dry packet ranch dressing mix

Add ingredients to ziplock bag, label and freeze.

Preparation:  Thaw the night before in refridgerator and place in your slow cooker with about 1 C of Water or Chicken broth for 3-4 hours on High, or 4-5 Hours on Low. Serve whole or chop up for tacos or sandwiches.

 

Pulled Chicken

1 1/2 BBQ sauce

3 whole boneless, skinless chicken breasts.

Combine in ziplock bag, label and freeze.

Thaw the night before in refridgerator and place in your slow cooker with about 1/4 C of water for 3-4 Hours on High. Shred chicken and mix back in with sauce, serve on crusty rolls with a slice of cheese. This recipe is also pretty flexible and can be baked or grilled if you don’t want to slow cook.

 

Italian Chicken

4 whole bonless skinless chicken breasts

1 1/2 c. italian dressing

Add ingredients to ziplock bag, label and freeze.

Place in refridgerator the night before and dump into your slow cooker with about 1/2 – 1 C of water or Chicken broth for 3-4 hours on high or 4-5 hours on low.

 

Beef Fajitas

1-2 lbs. flank steak

1 medium onion chopped

1 medium green pepper chopped

1 packet fajita mix

1 can Rotel tomatoes and chilies

Add all ingredients to ziplock bag, label and freeze. 

Thaw the night before in refridgerator, dump in crockpot and cook 4-5 hours on low.

 

Tortellini Soup

1 Medium Green Bell Pepper, Chopped
1 Cup Yellow Onion, Chopped
2 Teaspoons Minced Garlic
2 Tablespoons Tomato Paste
1 (8 Oz.) Can Tomato Sauce
2 (14.5 Oz.) Cans Crushed Tomatoes
1 Teaspoon Dried Oregano
1 Teaspoon Dried Basil
2 (14 Oz.) Cans Chicken Broth
1 chicken boullion cube

Place above in gallon ziplock bag and remove air and seal.

Tape 1 frozen meat tortellini package to the filled gallon bag.  Freeze.

Thaw in refridgerator the night before. Place soup and one cup water in crockpot cook on
low 5-6 hours. Put in tortellini 30 minutes before cooking time is complete.






Chicken Fajitas

3 whole boneless, skinless chicken breast, sliced into strips

1 medium onion sliced

1 medium green pepper sliced

1 can Rotel tomatoes and green chilies

1 packet fajita seasoning

Add all ingredients to the ziplock bag, label and freeze.  To prepare, thaw the night before in refridgerator and dump into the crockpot – cover and cook 4-5 hours on low

Progress

Progress is possible and it's here.   

In the month of February I only had one migraine.  Incredible.  I feel like a new woman.  It's very exciting!!  The only drawback is the diet I have to maintain in order to keep these migraines away.  It's not that hard, but I am definitely experiencing some serious cravings.  The foods I crave the most are any foods with cheese, oranges, and sausage.  Lasagna, mozzerella sticks, orange juice, and pizza...mmm. Since I can't have the things I really want, I keep eating and eating in hopes to quell my cravings.  It doesn't work and as a result I've gained four pounds since the beginning of 2013.  This is unacceptable and I won't go back to where I was.  I know four pounds doesn't sound like much, but if this goes on, it's not going to be pretty.  

I have to take care of myself.  I've signed up for a personal trainer session at my gym to keep myself accountable with a program.  Also, I've been making crock pot freezer meals that are healthy and then I add a veggie with dinner.  The girl scout cookies have been waaaaay tempting so I'm allowing myself no more than two at a time.  Hopefully this will help me keep a healthy lifestyle.  We'll see.  I'll post the crock pot recipes I've tried next.

 

18 days of freedom

Today marks the 18th day of no migraines.  I really didn't think I would ever say (or type) that sentence.  Incredible.  Now I just have to make sure to appreciate every day and not take my pain free days for granted.  It's difficult to do because everything else in life keeps on going and I had this idea that everything would be wonderful if I had a life free of migraines.  Well, I do have a very blessed life, but there are still rough days and sad days and of course days filled with pure joy.  I go to the Migraine Clinic this week and as I am getting my records, charts and paperwork together, I can't help but wonder what is keeping them away.  Is it because I'm there's no cheese in my diet?  No pineapple?  No nuts? No oranges?  No soy sauce?  No leftovers more than 48 hours old? No processed meats? Or is it because I've started taking magneseum supplements or B2 daily?  Is it because I'm keeping a strict sleep schedule?  Is it because of my counseling sessions where I'm learning relaxation techniques as well as stress management skills?  Or is it because God has used all of these things to answer the prayers of countless friends, family members, co-workers, and strangers?  Ultimately, I know God is in control and He is using these migraines or lack there of to glorify Him and help me understand that it's not of my own strength that these migraines can go away, but of Him alone.  He is faithful and so loving even when I am in the depths of despair and pain.  He is there.  He will never leave me or forsake me.  Even if the migraines return and stay with me it will be okay.  I have the promise that one day I won't have to worry about migraines because I will get to spend eternity in Heaven with Him with a perfect body.  I'm not talking about a bikini body here.  I'm saying there will be no tears, no sins, no pain, no suffering.  My salvation is in Christ Jesus alone, not by works, but through faith.  My memory verse for the week speaks for itself.  For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 6:23.  It's free for the taking if we only choose to accept it.  Not only did Jesus free us from our sins, with His sacrafice of death on a cross for us, but He goes above and beyond to give us eternal life in Heaven with Him.  It really doesn't get any better than that. I will keep you updated on my progress and if I learn anything new at my appointment this week.  Love and blessings to you <3

500 miles, a baby and no numbers

That's right.  Those are my goals for the new year. 

*500 miles of walking, running, biking, or elipticaling (verb??)
*Get pregnant
*No scale watching or measuring (until I get pregnant) because I've had it with the daily/weekly ups and downs...if I can continue to feel comfortable in my size 12's I will be happy. 

I'd also love to get rid of my migraines completely, so I will keep following doctor's orders. 

I had a total of 98 migraines in 2012.  That is CRAZY!  Completely shocked by that number when I actually added it up.  I will do just about anything to get rid of even some of these migraines.  Wouldn't it be wonderful if I could even cut that number in half?  It would be life changing. 

Well, here's to an even better year ahead!