Diagnosis: Infertility

Oh that stings.  Just seeing those words next to my name give me a stomach ache, but those words are true.  It's officially been over a year and no baby.  I've been putting off writing a blog post for a few months now because, well, I kept holding out that I would be able to share some great news with you all.  However, now that it's real I feel I need to write and get these feelings out of my system.  It's amazing how much I take for granted.  It's horribly amazing as well that you can have everything in the world that you would want or need except for one thing and that one thing can darken everything else good.  I don't want that to happen to me.  Well, let's face it...I already have allowed my inability to have a child over shadow a lot of happiness in my life.  I have a God who loves me despite my failings, a fantastic husband, a supportive family, dependable friendships, a rewarding career, a lovely home and a reliable car...I could go on and on with the blessings in my life.  My migraines have also lessened to an average of 3-4 a month!!!  Wow!  That's a 66% reduction!  Now that's something to cheer about!  I also know that God has a plan.  I know that if we are to have a baby, we will and it will come at the right time.  It doesn't make me crave that control any less though.  I still want to be in charge of my life, but why wouldn't I want the creator of the universe to be in charge of my life?!  Because I'm human and I think I know best.  Well, I'm slowly learning that I don't, which is a hard lesson, but a valuable one. 

Anyway, let me fill you in on the next steps.  I went to my gynecologist's office for a "I'm not getting pregnant" talk.  She was of course wonderful, encouraging, knowledgeable and supportive.  I left there feeling hopeful.  I had to get blood work done to check on my hormones, etc.  Also, hubby needed to get a semen analysis...fun stuff let me tell you.  Lastly, I will need to get a sonogram when we get the results from all of the tests.  It sounds as though most likely I am not ovulating as I should be because I've taken two months of ovulation predictors and a little happy face never showed up in the test window.  If that is indeed the case and the only issue, then I will possibly go on Clomid, which tells your brain to ovulate.  Then wham bam, thank you maam we should be good to go (if that's the only issue).  We are currently waiting for hubby's test results.  My blood work came back fine (whew, what a relief!) so we will set up a follow up appointment for my sono and to discuss options whenever we get his results back.  It's been quite the journey already dealing with people who are well meaning, but ask when we are going to start a family.  I am usually quite blunt with them and say, "Yes, we would love kids and have been trying for over a year.  Thanks for asking!"  This really ends the conversation for the most part.  I have been told some very hurtful things though. 

 

"Just have a baby, Laura.  It's not that hard."

and

"You are going to be old and decrepit by the time you have a baby."

 

It really doesn't help the process to hear these comments, because well, it is apparently hard for me and I am only 30 so I do have child bearing years left.  Both of these comments were made by people who love me and I'm sure had no idea they were hurting me.  So in the mean time, I am trying to stay positive and hopeful and try not think about conceiving.  God is in control and I'd be at a whole lot more peace if I just let it go.  That's where we are and I know God has a plan and I know it's a whole lot better than I could ever imagine.  <3

Progesterone, do your thing!

Newest results are in...my progesterone level is continuing to rise, but not as quickly as the doctor wants so they doubled up my dosage.  It makes me REALLY sappy, but it's a good thing to feel.  I will keep you updated on my progress.  My current level is 125 and they want it to be closer to 300.  They were funny at the doctor's office because they told me they were upping my baby making hormone and are rooting for me so that made me smile.  Also, Tom and I "adopted" some amazing college women and one of them is named Lea.  That has always been our favorite baby girl name and just yesterday Lea told us she's been praying a lot for us to have a baby so how awesome would that be if we were able to name a baby girl the same name as the person who's been praying so hard for her??  So all I have to say is, God please let the progesterone, do its thing!!  :)  I have a good feeling about this...

Normal!

I just got a call that my hormone therapy is working!!!  Praise the Lord!  Both my progesterone and testosterone levels are in normal range.  I am so encouraged!!  I do feel better too...it's still tough trying to get my body awake and up in the mornings, but my energy levels throughout the day are definitely higher.  Yes! 

On another note, I am very much looking forward to next Wednesday, which is when I get my TMD appliance.  (It is much like a retainer, but is fit specifically for my bottom jaw and will apparently keep my muscles in the correct placement.)  If you asked a "normal" person if they were excited to wear a piece of metal/plastic in their mouth all day every day except when they eat and brush their teeth and makes them talk funny, they would say, "NO WAY JOSE!"  But you ask a person who deals with 8-10 migraines a month if they would be willing to wear a piece of metal/plastic in their mouth all day every day except when they eat and brush their teeth that makes them talk funny in an attempt to rid themselves of migraines all together, and they would definitely say, "HECK YES!  GIVE IT TO ME NOW!!"  <---------Well, that's me. I will get it just in time for "Meet the Teacher".  Haha...that's should be interesting learning to talk with it and meeting students and parents for the first time.  I'll let you know how that goes.  ;) ;)  Well, anyway, I am so excited about the possibility of reducing these migraines that I would dye my hair green and stand on my head all day if it would work.  But thankfully, I don't have to do those things.  I can just wear this tiny little thing in my mouth.  Sweet. 

Oh and guess what?  I took advantage of my last Friday before school starts up again and painted :)  You can find my new paintings in a tab at the top of this blog...yep look up...now to the right.  See the tab that says, "My Art"?  Click that and you can see all of my paintings.  I've sold two so far!  Really super excited about that.  One of my "30 before 30" goals is to sell three paintings.  If you have any interest in owning one (or two or three..hehe) please don't hesitate to make an offer.  Prices are negotiable and I really just want people to be able to enjoyment out of having them in their homes.  I will be doing another auction in September, so please vote for one of them to be the next painting to be auctioned off for charity.  Thanks friends!

One last thing...I just want to say how blessed I am by my readers' kind words, encouragement and comments.  Thank you so much for sticking with me and reading my blog.  I hope that my blog continues to help inspire you and bring joy to your life because you bring so much inspiration and joy to mine.  : D

Basil Spaghetti with Cheesy Steamed Tomatoes

Cheese you say??  Oh you've got me hooked.  

There's pasta too??  Oh yeah. 

Fresh garden grown tomatoes??

Basil AND garlic too?

Too good to be true!

This was dinner tonight, paired with a spinach and kiwi salad and it was a meal.  Woot woot! 

Bonus: Husband approved :)

Here's the recipe so you can try it at home...

Basil Spaghetti with Cheesy Steamed Tomatoes

Serves 6-7 Approx. 250 cals/serving

1 box (13.75 oz.) spaghetti noodles

3 large tomatoes (cut into thick slices)

1/4 c. parmesan

1/2 c. mozzarella cheese

2 garlic cloves (minced)

1/4 tsp. red pepper flakes

3 tbsp olive oil

1 tbsp basil

salt and pepper to taste

Boil spaghetti according to box directions.  As spaghetti is boiling, coat a large skillet with 1 tbsp olive oil.  Lay tomato slices in skillet, sprinkle salt and pepper, parmesan cheese and mozzarella over tomato slices.  Cover and simmer on medium/low heat.  Once spaghetti is cooked, drain and toss noodles with remainder of olive oil, red pepper flakes, minced garlic cloves, and basil.  Serve cheesy tomatoes on top of seasoned spaghetti.

Oh and guess what?? 

I hate to speak too soon, but I just had to share my migraine count for the month of July to date:

 3!!!! 

Praise God! 

I know the month isn't over, but thus far, it's so much better than the last two months!

Jan. 4

Feb. 4

Mar. 12

Apr. 5

May 12

Jun. 11

Jul. 3 (to date)

Looks like the hormone therapy is working!!!  YES!!!!!!!

We'll see how the last half of the month goes.  Don't worry...I'll keep you updated. :)

Wake Up Call

The other night my mom and I went to a lecture on bio-identical hormones.  I was really interested in learning about them because I'm taking testosterone and progesterone, which are both bio-identical.  The lecture lasted 150 minutes, but it didn't seem that long because it was so interesting.  It was quite the wake up call for me.  I have lost 24.5 pounds since January and I am soooo glad that I have especially after attending this lecture.  The speaker was the pharmacist who did my hormone saliva test consult.  He began with the state of affairs of our country, which was frightening.

This is what I learned:

**This is what I learned from a lecture, and I tried to take the best notes possible.  I do not take credit for any of the research or the validity of this info.  However, I do trust the source.

In our current trend, 30% of 13 year olds today will be diabetic by age 30.  Whoa. 
If your blood sugar is 92 or higher, organ damage has already begun eventhough the "normal" range is below 120.  Scary. 
For every 15 lbs. of extra fat, your heart has to pump through an extra 300 MILES of capilaries. My heart has an extra 600 miles.  Gross.

The "hard" fat on the mid-section is called viseral fat, which is very difficult to get rid of and is an indicator that the fat is within the organs making it that much harder for them to work.  Ugh.

When women get a hysterectomy the testosterone and progesterone hormone producing organs are removed, but doctors tend to give their patients extra estrogen instead of testosterone or progesterone to replace what the body can't make anymore.  Does this make sense??

The hormone estrogen tells the body to grow, grow, grow, hold onto water and hold onto fat.  So when why are we pumping our animals with estrogen and then eating the estrogen laden meat??  I'm no vegetarian, but it really makes me think.

The more fat you have, the more estrogen, estrogen tells your body to grow, grow, grow, hold onto water and hold onto fat so your body keeps water and fat while burning off muscle and organs. The less muscle you have, the harder it is to burn fat.  VICIOUS CYCLE.

Now this next one was hard for me...there is the same amount of sugar contained in 1 wedge of watermelon as 1 glazed donut.  Now I understand that it's different types of sugar and there's fat in donuts and not in watermelon.  But still, that's a lot of sugar.  It gave me a wake up call that I really need to incorporate more veggies into my diet instead of snacking on fruit all day.  Fruit is GREAT, but it definitely does not replace veggies.

This is just a drop in the bucket of what I learned.  I will write more later when I have more time to look over my notes. 

The Great Migraine Battle Continues...

Jan. 4
Feb. 4
Mar. 12
Apr. 5
May 10
June 5 (to date)

What am I doing now??
No cane sugar,
no Stevia,
no Aspertame,
no sweeteners of any kind except that which is found in fruits and honey,
no high fructose corn syrup,
no evaporated or dehydrated cane juice,
no MSG,
nothing ending in -ose except lactose (milk)
limited preservatives,
no alcohol

I am currently running/jogging 3x a week for exercise.

Meds:
progesterone
testosterone
calcium/vitamin D
prenatal vitamin

I'm definitely feeling more energy especially in the afternoon and evenings.  Mornings are still hard...feeling really sluggish as always.

That's the deal. 

The results are in...

Well, remember when I took my hormome saliva test in April??  Well I got the results a couple of weeks ago.  It turns out that all of my hormones are terribly low.  For example, my progesterone is a 5, but should be around 230.  Yeah.  That means I can't get pregnant without hormone therapy.  Sometimes I feel sorry for myself about this, but then other times I am extremely thankful because we found out early on instead of trying for a year and dealing with all of the frustration, stress and anxiety of wanting a baby and nothing happening.   I've been putting off writing about this, but I'm not sure why.  I guess I was kind of in denial for a while.  But now we can be proactive! 

Also, the hormone levels very well could be the reason I get so many migraines.  YAY!  This could be the answer.  So to try to balance everything out, my doctor put me on testosterone cream.  Apparently, low levels of testosterone can create extreme fatigue and migraines, which is totally me!!!  Also, I've never been able to beat my mom or anyone for that matter in arm wrestling so this could explain all of those embarrassing arm wrestling matches!!  I've also been put on progesterone, but have to wait to start on that for a couple of weeks. 

So overall, this could be a total game changer.  It's crazy to wrap my mind around that my all my issues could stem back to hormones.  I've always felt there was a reason why I have migraines and maybe this is why God gave me migraines...so I would be lead to take this hormone test and figure out the issues so I can be awake, aware, be migraine free, and most importantly have a baby!  I wish I could say my migraines have decreased since taking the testosterone, but I definitely have more energy.  I think my body is trying to adjust to the new hormones so I'm really hoping things will get balanced out soon.

Also, I have been running, well jogging actually and really upping my workouts because exercise has been shown to decrease migraines.  Lower body mass is also supposed to help with migraines.  We will see!

So here it is...

The Great Migraine Update

Jan. 4

Feb. 4

Mar. 12

Apr. 5

May 10

Jun. 1 (to date)

Weight lost: 23 ( I haven't lost any weight since I started running, but I have lost 4.5 inches so I'm getting some muscles!  YAY for muscles!!! GO testosterone GO!)

Inches lost: 25.5

We will see what God has in store for me in June! 

Oh by the way, June is National Migraine Awareness Month!